Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma, Mother... Rantings from a scattered mind...

Motherhood. You will survive it.

 What you think you look like--> 


What you really look like--->   

And it's okay. It really is.

As a wife and a mother, when

I enter Walmart, I wish to drape myself with my invisibility cloak. You don't see me, I don't see you. As far as I'm concerned, Walmart is the black hole of existence. But not my husband. He morphs into George Clooney and has to stop and shake hands with every other soul he passes. He knows them all. He shines at Walmart and I am a spider immersing myself into the nearest crack to get away. It's not that I'm a bitch...okay, I'm a bitch. But mainly, I'm just super uncomfortable trying to explain why I look like I just wrestled a 400 pound cat while living through a tornado. I also don't want to explain why I'm holding a bottle of tequila, Ice cream cones and a bag of artichokes. The real me should never see the light of day. Ever.  

 It gets worse when you have to shop with toddlers or infants and people come up to you to tell you how beautiful your baby is. On the outside, you're nodding your head agreeing with them, but on the inside, you're watching your baby like he/she is a fucking ticking time bomb and you know at any minute the little shit will explode. We can all admit this. We love our kids, but dammit, they're jerks.

Comments

• 
  

 
        How about when you meet up with your best friend who had a baby before you did? That's always fun. No judgement heading your way there. Let me warn you, it goes like this; "Your baby doesn't walk yet? But she's six months old...My son was already excelling in ballroom dancing at that age."
Or-
"Isn't your daughter potty-trained yet? I trained my son by pissing on Cheerios in the toilet. or I trained my son by (Insert her amazing training technique here.) and you walk away from this conversation clutching your kid thinking you are either, A: The worst mother ever on the planet in the history of human beings, or B: Your kid is a damn moron. Maybe you shouldn't have drank all that Dr. Pepper while you were preggers. Don't worry mom, your kid will learn to use a toilet.

Also, Just so you know, you don't have to fill your kids with every activity under the sun. If they don't attend Jr. Rodeo, Ballet, Girl or Boy Scouts and the Circus College of Clowning, trust me, they'll be okay. All a kid really needs is some sun, some dirt and an imagination. They'll be fine, mom.