Friday, November 28, 2014

Tis' the season of Where Did I Put That? Fa la la la la la la la la


You’re probably thinking that I’ve gone off the deep end with this blog post.  But you’ll see exactly what I mean in the next few days as you try and wrap all those Black Friday deals.   And if you’re one of those super organized women with all your wrapping materials neatly stored in a plastic container, you have no idea the fun you’re depriving yourself of.  Plus, the rest of the world hates you.  Just sayin'
“Frank!  I can’t find the scissors!”
“I think Suzy has them in her room.  All her Barbies have mohawks.”
“Frank!”  Where the hell is the tape!”
“I used it to fix that leak under the faucet.  I think it ended up in Suzy’s room she couldn’t find clothes for Barbie so she wrapped up her privates with it.”
“FRANK!” where is the gift wrap and the damn bows?”
“Oh is that what that was?  I don’t remember.  Ask Suzy.”
“FRANK, I found the tape, the scissors and the gift wrap but now I can’t find a pen to sign the packages”
“Suzy was drawing a new face on Barbie she might now, ask her.”  

"Frank, those scissors are dull, the tape Suzy used is duct tape, and I can't sign the packages in crayon!"

"You knew this day was coming.  This is all your fault."

Two hours later....
Frank walks into the bedroom where you’re buried under mis-measured, mis-cut paper and tiny little sticky price tags stuck to your forehead.   

“You’re losing your touch, Mabel.  These packages look like shit. Here, let me help.”
“I need the scissors, " he says....
“I think you’re sitting on them.”
“Where’s the tape?"
“LOOK FRANK.  YOU’VE DONE NOTHING BUT SIT ON YOUR ASS WHILE I BATTLED THE ZOMBIES AT THE BLACK FRIDAY SALES, YOU BARELY CLEANED UP AFTER THANKSGIVING AND I DON’T HAVE TIME TO HELP YOU FIND THE DAMN TAPE!  BESIDES, YOU’RE SITTING ON THAT TOO!”  

This is when those cardboard tubes from the wrap become good weapons of destruction. 

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