Friday, November 28, 2014

Tis' the season of Where Did I Put That? Fa la la la la la la la la


You’re probably thinking that I’ve gone off the deep end with this blog post.  But you’ll see exactly what I mean in the next few days as you try and wrap all those Black Friday deals.   And if you’re one of those super organized women with all your wrapping materials neatly stored in a plastic container, you have no idea the fun you’re depriving yourself of.  Plus, the rest of the world hates you.  Just sayin'
“Frank!  I can’t find the scissors!”
“I think Suzy has them in her room.  All her Barbies have mohawks.”
“Frank!”  Where the hell is the tape!”
“I used it to fix that leak under the faucet.  I think it ended up in Suzy’s room she couldn’t find clothes for Barbie so she wrapped up her privates with it.”
“FRANK!” where is the gift wrap and the damn bows?”
“Oh is that what that was?  I don’t remember.  Ask Suzy.”
“FRANK, I found the tape, the scissors and the gift wrap but now I can’t find a pen to sign the packages”
“Suzy was drawing a new face on Barbie she might now, ask her.”  

"Frank, those scissors are dull, the tape Suzy used is duct tape, and I can't sign the packages in crayon!"

"You knew this day was coming.  This is all your fault."

Two hours later....
Frank walks into the bedroom where you’re buried under mis-measured, mis-cut paper and tiny little sticky price tags stuck to your forehead.   

“You’re losing your touch, Mabel.  These packages look like shit. Here, let me help.”
“I need the scissors, " he says....
“I think you’re sitting on them.”
“Where’s the tape?"
“LOOK FRANK.  YOU’VE DONE NOTHING BUT SIT ON YOUR ASS WHILE I BATTLED THE ZOMBIES AT THE BLACK FRIDAY SALES, YOU BARELY CLEANED UP AFTER THANKSGIVING AND I DON’T HAVE TIME TO HELP YOU FIND THE DAMN TAPE!  BESIDES, YOU’RE SITTING ON THAT TOO!”  

This is when those cardboard tubes from the wrap become good weapons of destruction. 

Monday, November 24, 2014

Butterball Turkey Butt Disease

I'm not going to talk about food or food preparation on this eve of Thanksgiving. I figure we have enough of those so instead, I'm going to discuss a well known yet little talked about phenomenon that happens as soon as the weather shifts from summer to fall, crisping the air.

Butterball Turkey Butt Disease. 
Yes it is real.
Mainly affects women over the age of mid 2o's and with hips that measure out 36 inches and beyond.  Sometimes the male species will catch this disease but it doesn't seem to have the long lasting effects in the human male than his female counterpart.  

First step in contracting this ailment is to spend time outdoors.  You will notice the first symptom of this disease when someone decides to build a campfire to warm things up.  This disease gives off the perverse desire to stand around the campfire backwards.  As in, here is this beautiful fire and we are going to ignore it, pretend it isn't there by sticking out butts out at it and look around everywhere else. 
Women will stand like this so long the little copper rivets in our jeans will get hot enough to burn the skin. 
Men, seem to turn away from the fire and they are cured.  Not so much for women,  We continuously turn our asses toward the flame but relief is only temporary.  You know when you are in a downright full epidemic of BBTBD when you crawl into bed with your spouse.

That's when it hits.  The full force of BBTBD.  You poke your butt out and shove it up against your partner's warm body, praying for a cure.  He screams; 

"YOUR ASS IS SO COLD, I COULD LICK MY HAND AND IT WOULD STICK!"
"PLEASE, YES, PLEASE RUB MY BUTT AND WARM IT UP!"

He tries to scoot away from your butt but you keep sliding toward him...before he knows it, he has fallen on the floor.  You can't find relief.   So instead, you use your feet.  You try like hell to stick a cold foot in one of his body crevices hoping that if you can get your foot warm that somehow that heat will travel up to your ass.  

Nothing works. 
You will be fine by morning.  Until you go outside again and your husband eye's you suspiciously and with disdain.  He knows what's coming.  

"Can't you get your Grandma to knit you a butt warmer or something?"
"You're not sleeping with me tonight. I swear.  I can't fall on the floor again."


Have a great Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

When you're married to a cowboy

Make sure you use specific language.  For instance, last night at seven p.m. I came running out of the bedroom..."I just bought Dakota a ride-on Mustang for Christmas!  The thing is we have to go get it now!"  
 Hubby runs out the door fast.  I notice he is acting like he is going to hook up the horse trailer. 
"No! a Power Wheels Mustang!" 

 To a cowboy or at least for my husband who is just married to a horse crazy woman, everything has to do with horses.  But I am excited to see my daughter's face when she gets her Mustang.  Plus, it doesn't eat or drink.   Good horse.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Elle Marlow Crew Took Tombstone by Storm

What a blast.  If you've never been, go.  Tombstone is everything they say and more.  I felt right at home on the boardwalks, the saloons and at the Bird Cage theater.  Can't wait to go back.   Next time, I'll take a stack of Josey's Mountain with me.  :)

Monday, November 3, 2014



Happy release day to author Monica Garry-Allen
Today is the release day for Christmas Confusion, a fun romantic comedy featuring a cast of unforgettable characters.
ABOUT THE BOOK
TITLE – Christmas Confusion
SERIES – Bailey’s Chaotic Life
AUTHOR – Monica Garry-Allen
GENRE – Chick lit, Romantic Comedy, New Adult
PUBLICATION DATE – November, 03, 2014
BOOK BLURB
~Bailey Cooper has fallen in love – sadly the man she’s in love with already has a man. Or so she thinks. Sounds complicated doesn’t it? ~
Bailey Cooper is very much attracted to her neighbor Max Davis. Unfortunately for Bailey, Greg – Max’s lover is slowly becoming one of Bailey’s best friends. Bailey’s emotions are torn. She adores Greg’s friendship while at the same time she craves Max’s touch.
What is a girl to do when she ‘thinks’ the man she’s in love with is in love with someone else?
Max Davis and his baby brother Greg Davis are co-owners of the apartment building they live in. Max has fallen for his tenant, Bailey, but she avoid and ignore all of his advances. It doesn’t take long for him to become suspicious of the friendship blooming between Greg and Bailey. He believes Bailey has a crush on his brother but Max wants his shy little neighbor all to himself. Now he has to think of ways to keep Bailey and Greg apart, which is ridiculous because Greg isn’t even in to women. Time to break that news to his neighbor and hope it causes her attention to swing his way.
Will a holiday weekend full of chaos, confusion and a little bit of charm finally get Bailey and Max on the right track? Or will a few innocent caresses lead to more Christmas confusion?

Excerpt
Max scooted back on the couch, he reached toward Bailey, eyes straying to her legs. Even though she wore jeans, he still pictured her legs bare, like they were when she jumped on his counter.
Her eyes widened as his hand came closer and closer. Max leaned forward, stretching his arm even closer to her body, he ached to touch her. His fingertips itched for a chance to slide down her body. As he moved closer, he heard her inhale deeply and he couldn’t escape the erotic images that flowed through his mind. Oh, the sounds I could cause her to make, if she would give me the chance.
Max continued edging forward, until his fingers wrapped around what he was reaching for. He picked the remote control up and moved back to his side of the couch. His hand shook slightly. Bailey exhaled. The sound sent chills over his body. Max pointed the remote at the television and pressed play.
He cleared his throat. “Do you want to start from the beginning or do you want me to find the last scene you watched?”
Max waited on her to answer but all he heard was the sound of her breathing. He kept his eyes straight forward, fearing the sight of her chest rising and falling would be his downfall. She took so long to answer that he forgot what his question was.
“Whatever you want,” she whispered, and his gut clenched. Max pressed pause.
What was his question? For the life of him, he couldn’t remember what he’d asked her. But her answer ‘whatever you want’ was the answer he craved. A thousand questions raced through his head, ‘Bailey, what do you want me to do to you with my tongue?’ Her answer of ‘whatever you want’ would be perfect for that question. ‘Bailey, what do you want me to do to you with my hands?’ Whatever you want would be the perfect answer to that question. But none of those were the question she was answering. What had he asked her?
“Or we could just watch television,” she said. “We don’t have to watch the movie, I know it’s a chick flick and you may not like it.”
Oh yeah, the movie. “No, no, we can watch the movie.” Get it together, Max.
“Okay,” Bailey smiled and snuggled further into the comforter. His comforter, the one he would sleep under later on tonight. The comforter that would have her sweet scent on it until he decided to wash it, if he decided to wash it. Get it together, now, Max.
Max cleared his throat again. He felt like his t-shirt was getting tighter, choking him. Max found it hard to swallow. “We can just watch it from the beginning. How long is this movie anyway?” he asked her.
“It’s a short movie, about an hour long.”
He would have an hour in her company, an hour with her sitting within arms-reach of him, an hour of sweet torture. He would enjoy every minute of it.
Buy Links




About the author
Author Monica Garry-Allen is a Clinical Laboratory Technician by day and a Romance writer by night. Since she’s a part of the medical field a lot of her characters have jobs as Doctors, Nurses, Laboratory Scientist and etc.
When she’s not working she enjoys reading, writing, and shopping. Cooking however, is not one of her hobbies. But thankfully her husband enjoys creating tasty meals therefore there’s no chance of her starving.

She enjoys traveling though she’s not much of an outdoors person. Give her an air-conditioned room, a good book, a cup of coffee and she’s in heaven.

On Location Vlog is up on Youtube for Jerome, Az!

Woot! We just wrapped up our weekend in Jerome, Az. and our On Location Vlog is up and live on YouTube.  Click here to see Jerome, Az.     ...